7/100

The Negatives

Detoxing from alcohol isn’t fun, this week has been up and down and all over the place with low moods, I’ve been irritable and suffered from dreadful headaches, nausea, sleep improved as the week went on but I had some very bad dreams, nightmares in fact. I’ve counted to 10 a lot waiting for a moment of rage to pass and screamed into a pillow once and chatted to myself in the mirror on occasion and told myself to stay calm and chanting, ” I’m strong, I’m happy, I’m healthy”, even though at times I felt crazy, a real bunch of emotions to deal with in one week.
The Positives are far greater

Not at any point have I regretted my decision to stop drinking. The last time I did the 100 day challenge I wish I hadn’t started but this time I know it’s the right thing and feels more real this time.

I have done my yoga every day which wouldn’t have happened if I’d stuck with the bottle. My body aches a little but I’m fine with that, it shows I’m working my body. I just want to practice, practice, practice.

I’ve mentioned in previous blogs that my partner is setting up his own business and he has spent a lot more time concentrating on that, designing and writing blurb for his website and all because he is doing a dry January. Stuff happens when the alcohol is removed.

Normally I work the weekends but I had this one off which was just wonderful having all 4 of us together. I had a massage which was great, and I have another one booked in 3 weeks time. We walked the beach and made sandcastles.

We took the girls swimming which was super fun and I made all their favourite foods, like super mummy’s blueberry and chocolate pancakes for breakfast drenched in maple syrup. I cooked a roast dinner, and isn’t cooking sober so much easier, tidier and tastier, I cooked Christmas dinner whist drinking glass after glass of bubbles so by the time it was cooked and dished up I didn’t even want to eat it!

Treats

I recently celebrated my 40th birthday and was given a spa day from my work colleagues, such a lovely gift as they said it would revive me after all the sleepless nights the girls recently had from being poorly. I can’t wait to get booked in. Another treat I have approaching is lunch with old friends at a swanky restaurant on the water, a sober lunch made easy as 2 out of the 4 of us dining are pregnant.

I think rewards and treats are a useful sober tool to use as it’s always nice to have something to look forward to and make us feel good. I also have a car MOT and service to fork out for which is a bit dull!

My old friend Anxiety

Anyone heard of Holy Basil? I hadn’t until last week, it’s been recommended to me for my anxiety which has increased a little so far this year but will taper off the further I go with the sober thing I imagine and also the fact I am consuming far less caffeine. I have started to take the Holy Basil everyday to see it it helps, it’s tastes foul though, it really repeats on me when the capsule has burst.

One of my favourite gifts this Christmas came from my mum in law, it’s a tea-iere by Jing. How have I not had one of these before, it’s great for my fresh mint teas, and fusing ginger and lemons. She also gave me some Green Tea, I have never really liked Tea I have always been a coffee fiend, my Mum started me young on the caffeine, she used to bring me a milky cup in bed to get me up and ready for school from the age of 8, shocking! On one of the mornings this past week where i suffered a headache I had just a little green tea and it helped ease the pain. It’s an acquired taste I think, but it was ok. I’ll try it again.

So all in all a great first week, I feel positive and teary all at the same time but really glad I’m here, in this sober place with my gorgeous loving family.

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A good start

Day 2

I didn’t as sleep as well as I thought I would last night but I am sure it will settle after a few days. My body had a lot of alcohol during December so I shouldn’t expect instant rewards. 

However this morning ran really smoothly, it was Emily’s first day back to school following the Christmas holidays and the mornings can sometimes get a bit manic but not today. The dinner was cooked by 10:30am, a beautiful smelling Irish Stew, I just hope it tastes as good as it smells when we get to eat it this evening however I replaced the pearl barley with arborio rice which doesn’t have gluten, but not sure if it works as well. 

My partner is doing a dry January again which really helps me as there is no alcohol in the house and I feel supported, which is really important isn’t it. 

Just about to hit the mat, I’m feeling good and hope the rest of the day is just like this.

Oh and I managed all morning without a coffee, perhaps where I spent so much time in December preparing myself for my challenge (normally awake between 2 and 4) it might actually work. 

13

Today I started my challenge for 2017 which is 100 days sober and 100 days of yoga. This takes me to the 13th April, I chose this end date as the number 13 which is unlucky for some actually has a very sentimental meaning to me.  

I have to say that today was easy and I thought this would the case, I imagine I’ll start to get scratchy about day 6 if past experience is anything to go by however I am hoping that having the yoga side of the challenge will help guide me through the mass of emotions I will face, again. 

One other change is my coffee consumption, I am going to start reducing my intake with the view to eliminate it from my diet completely. I really believe it stresses out my body and adds to my mood swings and anxiety.

Im really excited about this and I know a lot of what I have said above isn’t new but I am feeling positive and full of will power, I just hope I can keep it going beyond April this time.

I am gluten free, sugar free and have stuck to the organic groceries so feel I am on the right track. 

I am inspired by other bloggers daily and will read your blogs all the way to April to keep me motivated. 

I recently read this quote by a famous actor who I believe is 15 years sober.

Ewan McGregor: “I wasn’t someone who could smoke or drink in moderation,and I recognised that those things would kill me…. What kind of regret would I have if I had to tell my children or my wife that I was dying because of something I could have done something about? I didn’t want to be that kind of man.”

I hope to blog once a week and share my experiences with you, share some recipes and maybe some before and after yoga pictures, who knows ….

40

I turned 40 on Thursday and had 4 day celebration with friends and family. I had a huge amount of fun and laughter but consumed a lot of alcohol. 

Yesterday I felt so poorly I thought that was it, my day was suffocated with feelings of anxiety, panic and fear. 

I came home from my party and passed out for about 6 hours waking up with bruised arm from falling down whilst trying to get out of my dress. The state that I came home in was a far cry from the lady that went out. 

Actually I don’t remember getting home, I know that I fell as my Mum was here babysitting and told me the following morning. 

I can’t remember the last time I can’t remember getting home and never want that to happen to me again, I cannot allow that to happen to me again.

I will be doing the 100 day challenge again and will be putting a new spin on it for me, 100 days sober, 100 days of yoga. I’m hoping that adding the yoga aspect of it may help me to keep going this time. New mind and body for 2017. 

I received a fabulous new yoga mat for my birthday so need to move my body, strengthen my will and mind and be happy forever after.

My beautiful hair for my birthday celebrations. 

Old news

I’ve just re read my blog from 2nd January 2016′ “the challenge” and I seem to have gone round in a big circle. I did achieve 100 days alcohol free in fact I think I did 130 but since I’ve battled with myself with do drink, don’t drink, dry this and moderate that. It’s early December and I have started to think of how I am going to stop drinking when all the celebrations are over and we enter into a new year.

I’m making up excuses everyday as to why I am not starting now, like, it’s my friends birthday, then I turn 40 next week, then its Christmas and then New Year, why start now eh.

I thought I had been in control of my alcohol consumption until I put the recycling out and in just 6 days I have consumed 2 bottles of wine and a bottle of Manzanilla (sherry) which I bought for Christmas of course. So this is why I feel aggy is it, drinking a little more than I am telling myself. We also went to a friends birthday drinks where I drank 3 large glasses of red, that’s another bottle right there. Sigh

The good thing is I no longer have to eat gluten, I had my last tests done almost a month ago and am grateful that I do not have celiacs disease, but am gluten intolerant so I am feeling much better from eliminating all gluten from my diet now. My face has calmed down, my skin is clearer and my tongue for the first time in more than a year isn’t sore. It still has a red patch but is finally clearing up.

I am back on track with my yoga too, just wish I had more time for it, I’ll do half an hour here or even 15 minutes when I can but unfortunately I always feel a bit rushed, it’s nap time or the dinner is cooking, I never really get time to totally switch off and be with the yoga. I need to find a class locally that I can escape to once a week .That’s a new year promise to myself. 

Written 9/12/16

 

Happiness starts in the gut

Today starts the final week of having to eat gluten, I have been eating gluten every day for the last 5 weeks to achieve an accurate test result for Celiacs disease.

 You may remember from previous blogs that I had stopped eating wheat about 5 years ago following some tests but not gluten, so I continued to eat rye and barley but in the main rye crackers and breads. 

This year I have have suffered with fatigue and a sore tongue which prompted the doctors to start investigating the cause. 

It’s been really tough, I’ve had some very unpleasant symptoms including  a foggy head, feeling cold, nausea, bloating, headaches and anger/irritability which I’ve called it gluten rage. My partner noticed a big change in my personality after just a few days of my gluten affair.

I have wondered on many occasions why did I start this process, why continue when I feel so dreadful. At the start of week 4 I really didn’t know what to do but the doctor asked if I could just bare it for 2 more weeks so we can get a better idea if what is happening.

So there we are, I am still uncomfortable, nothing much has changed since my last blog. 

This week I have managed to pick myself up a bit, perhaps knowing that the end is near is helping. I have neglected my yoga, my diet, my health and my sobriety. 

My gut isn’t happy and neither am I. 

My pumpkin did make some yummy soup though, little things. 

Collecting autumn

Me and the girls went to our favourite place for lunch today. The Arboretum, a picnic under the trees in the autumn sunshine. 

The colours were stunning, vibrant, bright and warming. We collected leaves, played hide and seek, listened to bird song and had warm flask of drink. A beautiful way to spend time together.

Hopefully I’ll get some results back from the docs this week regarding allergies and such. In the mean time I continue to eat the gluten and be uncomfortable.