Day 86 eggs eggs eggs

 

This week we joined The Giant Wiggle in aid of of action for children. It was hosted by our school and they did a wonderful job of making the event enjoyable for everyone taking part, I had just as much fun as the children. The whole morning was themed on the children’s story the Very hungry caterpillar which I think is a great little story for young people. What a fun way to start the holidays whilst helping to raise money for children and families less fortunate than mine.

Good Friday was like a summers day so warm and sunny, isn’t the world beautiful in sunlight. We did more gardening, walked by the sea and ate bags of chips and baked cakes, such a relaxing day. Once the children were tucked up in bed I spent the evening getting ready for our little girls 1st birthday. I loved it, blowing up balloons, wrapping presents, it was quite emotional really as I looked through a year of photographs and planned her day.

After work on Saturday we had friends and their children come and join us for coffee and birthday cake, sadly the weather was the complete opposite of yesterday and was now cold and wet so we couldn’t play the garden games but we all had fun. I kept the coffee flowing unlike her sisters party 2 years before where I kept the prosecco flowing. I was asked about my sobriety and happily chatted about how it has improved my life and anxieties. I know there are a few people who are surprised at how far I have come.

Sunday was a paid day off, fabulous, so not only was I being paid for not going to work but I was being cooked for as well, what’s not to like. We had a family day at my partners sisters, they cook the most wonderful food and today was lamb my absolute favourite. The children did an easter egg hunt and I have never seen so many eggs, over 100, my daughter was amazed and high all afternoon riding the sugar train. Lunch here is a boozy affair and in the past neither me or my partner wanted to be the driver as we wanted to drink, eat, drink, eat, and drink some more.

When we arrived we toasted to birthdays and holidays and good health and I was given a fizzy water to toast with and I felt totally at ease with this and happy. After lunch when we went for the dog walk and play in the park I was eager to go rather than thinking just leave me here to carry on with the wine, I didn’t feel lethargic and lazy. I did however fall off my sugar free wagon and indulge in lots of chocolate and black coffee, buzzing!

This holiday I have crammed in a lot and had a lot of fun and it continues to get easier and more fun the further into this sober world I go. There are only 14 days left of my sober challenge to complete now. What I wonder is will I carry on counting the days after 100 or will they just be days.

Also I might need another challenge to focus on, going back to a previous blog when I mentioned  doing another marathon, I don’t have the time to commit to the training needed for a marathon but think I will look for something.

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Day 81 coffee with a view

 

The sun is shining again so after breakfast I took the girls to the park to make the most of it. We have lots to choose from but today we decided to go somewhere we don’t often go. The park over looks the sea with views if the Isle of Wight and the Needles.

I met my friend and her young son at the cafe near by to grab a takeaway coffee and as I walked past the window I saw someone I knew, my Dad was sat with a lady in the cafe having a coffee. This was such a lovely surprise, not only because I got to see my Dad out of the care home environment but to know that he was being really cared for. The volunteer was really nice and Dad seemed happy in her company. With his illness he suffers with confusion and can become quite agitated. I don’t take him out anymore as it’s too much for me to look after him and the children.

I was meant to be there today at a different park and place so I could meet Lynne the volunteer, I am hoping to organise future outings with her. Aren’t volunteers wonderful people.

Thank you, day 81.

 

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day 79 spring and surprises

 

It’s been truly lovely this weekend which means we have been in the garden getting ready for spring.  Little puffs of colour are emerging from the soil, yellow, white, purple and pinks, the grass has finally dried out, and the plants have been pruned. We live in a fairly new house so the garden is very young and all the plants are still small but it’s starting to take shape.

On Saturday when I returned from work my partner was tidying the shed so there was stuff everywhere outside, he had started to tidy a large cupboard in our hall too so there was stuff everywhere inside and when he has looked after the children the house tends to look like a whirlwind has landed so this was not a good time for surprise visitors.

At 2 o clock on Saturday there was a knock at the door and my brother, wife and nephew were stood in the porch, clutching a nicely wrapped present and needing coffee after their trip. They were very punctual just on the wrong day. You see it’s my little girls 1st birthday next Saturday and I had sent invitations to the family and a few close friends to join us for cake from 2 o clock.

I had nothing to offer them, no cake , no balloons, no bunting just a cuppa and lots of mess, but we did laugh and the girls loved seeing their uncle.

Day 76 all time lows

 

Day 76 all time lows

I have noticed that I have started to think about drinking again but in a different way, not the “boy I need a drink” more “wow I don’t need a drink”. I am so surprised at my feelings towards alcohol and how negative they are. Feeling so rested and clean from the toxins has led me to remember some of my lowest moments when intoxicated and wondering how I was ever that person, how did I ever end up in those states, stumbling around, not in control, not safe and dangerously inebriated.

One of my lowest moments was after what should have been a simple leisurely Sunday lunch at a friends house. I guzzled glass after glass of wine like it was water. In those days when I had had too much my body used to go into some kind of shock, like a warning, I’d get a weird sensation all over leading me into a state of panic which would leave me hyperventilating and gasping for air at times.
I left everyone downstairs and dragged myself upstairs to carry out my attack but it wasn’t unnoticed.
I realised I was paralytic, I could no longer hold a conversation or see straight, I felt embarrassed and soon made my excuses to leave which I imagine everyone was grateful for as now they could enjoy their evening playing games and having fun without looking after me.

Unfortunately I had cycled there and lived about 5 miles away, there wasn’t a hope in hell of me being able to ride my bike, I couldn’t stay on it, pedal or steer. I walked my bike to a well known chicken shop, thinking that their 11 herbs and spices may sober me up enough to find my way home. I sat on the pavement scrambling and rummaging in my bag for some money. I must have looked a sight, drunk with mascara under my eyes from my earlier attack and sat on a curb. A stranger asked if I was ok and if I needed any help or money. Now looking back I realise he was a lovely person but at the time I couldn’t believe he could be so insulting. It took me hours to get home, why didn’t I just leave my bike there and get a taxi?

Need I say I felt hideous the next day and had to make apologies for what I could remember and didn’t ask about what I couldn’t.

These past few days as I remember my all time lows I am so pleased that I have given up the poison all together but do wonder how I ever let myself get into those states, where was my self respect, and was that really me.

Day 74 Sauerkraut

 

The last time I blogged there was wine in the house and I talked about finding it easy to be around and this wasn’t a lie for the first night however the next day I found the half finished bottle in the kitchen talking to me. I obviously ignored it’s chitter chatter and know from this weekend that I can ignore the noise I might get from time to time. I did however envy watching my Mum relax each evening with her wine but I know who felt better in the morning!!

Luckily with my partner working on a very important project he has almost given up drinking anyway so alcohol in the house will make a rare appearance for which I am grateful.

I have talked about my crazes before and whilst sticking to the leafy greens for breakfast, lunch and dinner I am about to introduce sauerkraut to my diet for good measure. I have found a raw, organic, non pasteurised version on the market to start with then might try making my own. Looks simple enough.

Hope you are all good out there and enjoying your day whatever’s of sobriety x

Day 71 wine in the house

 

Last night we had a guest for supper, my wonderful Mum. She has come to stay for a few days and brought with her a splendid casserole of venison. My brother is a stalker and often has too much meat for himself so gives good portions to Mum. Living on her own it’s always too much for her which is great news for me. I thank my brother but he says ” I just shoot it, Mum makes the magic”. She certainly does, no one cooks up pots of goodness like my Mum.

Mum has been very good to me and not had a drop to drink during her visits since I took on this challenge. Yesterday though knowing that a good glass of red wine would suit our supper I bought a bottle, took it to the table, opened it, poured it and didn’t care about it. My partner and Mum enjoyed a couple of glasses as we ate and chatted but it wasn’t until we had finished dinner and was clearing the table that I realised that I had forgotten it was even there, staring at me on the table the whole time, I happily drank my water.

I am so surprised, I didn’t even sniff it. Just served and forgot about it.

Wine you are no longer my muse.

Day 67 A beautiful day

It’s such a beautiful day and I enjoyed the morning walking with my girls in our favourite spot which I wanted to share with you.

We are so lucky to be able to live in such a pretty part of the country. We do not own one of the beach huts and never will, I believe they sell in the region of £170k, but do get to take in the spectacular views for free.

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